So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
how drunk are you?
Several
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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