Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
