i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
