Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
