put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
