This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
