I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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