I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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