My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
