bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
