I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You are a booty call, not a friend.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
