i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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