I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
