dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
