pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
