someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
