Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
