guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
