it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
