Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
