I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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