I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize