I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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