i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
