i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You can't motorboat a personality
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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