the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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