Im at strip club and am horny
why didn't you poke me back
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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