I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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