i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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