If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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