no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
