He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
