i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
its not stalking. its research.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
