I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
