There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
