The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
All the doctor said was why
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
