Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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