A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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