I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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