i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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