apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
