remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dear god my vagina.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
