these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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