Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
