My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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