I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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