Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
