i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
