my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Randomize
