Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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