we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
