My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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