dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
