porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
