He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
