when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
