how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
