Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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