East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
