Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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