My hand turned me down
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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