you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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