I need to stop coming to work sober
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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