i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
