Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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