We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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