she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
last night I used snow as a chaser
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