Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
