I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
